Navigating the nice in-laws

“Nowadays, children don’t want to eat this, don’t want to eat that, during my time, they just eat everything!” My mother-in-law commented on my 5-month-old eating habits. 

Your parents and in-laws—well-meaning or not—will compare you and your kid to your siblings, their kids, or other kids they know. I live with my in-laws, who love their grandkids and are very hands-on in helping my 5-month-old daughter with diaper changes, showers, and cuddles. 

“It’s great you’re getting help!” Yes, I’m thankful for the extra help (don’t we need more of that as new moms?), but sometimes, I get overwhelmed by their comments - “make sure you do this!” “Oh, you can’t do that when you shower her,” “oh, let me do it!” as they shoosh me or my husband (their youngest son) away. The people-pleasing side in me stresses me out, and I feel my self-confidence as a mom diminishing with each comment, even when they don’t mean it negatively. 

I found it helpful to clearly tell my in-laws what I needed, “could you help me take care of the baby so that I could nap a little?” or I’ll try not to take their comments as critiques but just as ngam cham way of expressing their concerns and worries. I don’t have the emotional capacity to let everything get to me, especially when I have to attend to a crying baby most time. 

Even if you have loving in-laws, as much as you appreciate the help and all the precious grandparent-grandchild moments (it’s a special bond), my husband and I, along with our gal, still carve out time for ourselves. We take evening walks together or meet with friends. It’s important to unpack any lingering emotions from tense parent-child or in-law dynamics.