Motherhood: a beautiful mess

“All three of you never cried as babies. Why is your lui lui crying so much?” My Ma asked when she saw my 1-month-old crying during her diaper change. 

“That’s what babies do Ma, they cry.” I snapped at her. 

Instead of helping, she was making me feel worse as a new mum. I felt I was doing my best to meet my new child’s every need but each cry reminded me of my lack and my inadequacy. As much as I loved my baby gal, there were times in early postpartum I felt with each of her cry: Oh no, what now? Will you stop crying? 

Every comment seemed to be a trigger for me. I would either burst out in frustration at my closest loved ones or if a friend would say something mildly negative like “your baby is so tiny for her age” or “you look so tired,” I would tear up in the bathroom. I was feeling the new mum guilt of not doing enough,  feeling the pain in my broken aching body from childbirth, and the expectation to “bounce back” right after the life-changing experience of giving birth to a child.

One thing I’ve learned almost 5 months into the journey is: You are more than enough new Mama! And you’re everything your child needs from you right now. 

Your kepoh uncles and aunties may say something about your postpartum body, your tiger mum might make you feel like you should be doing more, heck, even the grab drivers will offer unsolicited advice on what you should and should not be doing after birth. Well-meaning concerns often do not translate into things we really need as new moms. But you are not alone and Elora can be a safe space and helpful resource to help you navigate through this beautiful mess of new motherhood.