Navigating the emotional landscape of infertility
Infertility is very common these days as lifestyles, work stress, and the average age at which people begin planning to have a family have changed from our parents’ generation. Yet, infertility is in many places and cultures a taboo topic. People struggling with infertility suffer in silence and feel alone, which exacerbates the roller coaster of emotions that accompanies them through every step of the complicated process of fertility assessments and medically assisted fertility treatments. Some of the following tips can help people better weather the emotional and physical turmoil that comes with infertility:
Acknowledge your feelings. Human beings are “meaning making creatures.” We need things to “make sense” in order to feel “safe.” Developing a greater awareness of your emotions can help reduce the confusion that comes with a non-linear path to making a family. Practice voicing your emotions by saying them outloud or writing them in a journal, to yourself and or to a loved one. For example, “Today I am feeling excited about the procedure. A part of me also feels scared of experiencing physical pain.” Or, “I am feeling hopeless right now.”
Build a community. Many people feel the need to hide their fertility journey for fear of social judgment, or family and professional pressures. Identify at least one person who has experienced a non-linear path to making a family and might be a safe person to talk to. In the therapy world, we often say, “Burden shared, burden halved.” People are often surprised after the fact about how many around them have shared the infertility experience, but they don’t know this until they speak up. If you can’t find anyone in your social circle to speak to, try joining an online community for people struggling with fertility issues.
Set realistic expectations. Those who have gone through IVF or other procedures before sometimes learn through the hard way that it is not as simple as 1-2-3. Recognizing that at every step there may be unexpected hurdles can help you manage your hopes and face positive rather than negative surprises.