The silent loss

When I first found out I was pregnant after missing my period, I was overjoyed. Yet, simultaneously, I was anxious that I could lose the baby, so I couldn’t really celebrate even though I wanted to jump in the air. A good friend of mine found out around the same time that she was pregnant too, but a few weeks later, she told me she was no longer pregnant and that she had a “blighted ovum.” This was the second time she told me about a pregnancy loss.

“I’m so so sorry to hear that. I don’t even have words to express…” I told her, words failing to express my sadness for so much of her hopes and dreams to have a child. 

“Yeah, it’s sad, but I guess I’m used to it. A little numb even…The weird thing is I’m still experiencing pregnancy symptoms,” she said. 

She told me how she didn’t tell anyone because “people do not know how to react to this type of news,” and she didn’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. Even after a loss, she thought about other people and how they felt. How often do we keep our losses to ourselves? Especially a miscarriage. A new mother feels the immense weight of loss and guilt: Was there something I could have done? Was I too stressed? Did I not eat well? Was it something I did that caused this? We are our harshest critics. 

How can we learn to speak to ourselves on our journey of fertility, pregnancy, and loss? How can we be more vulnerable in processing the pain of losing a baby? How can we even support those going through such situations? Here at Elora, we want to explore these questions and offer guidance and support through the ups and downs of fertility.