Respectful Caregiving and Presence

A conversation with Elsa Chahin, President of Pikler USA

More than a decade ago, I was introduced to the work of Dr. Emmi Pikler and the philosophy of respectful caregiving through my mentor, Elsa Chahin. At the time, I was single and training in early childhood work, and something about this approach quietly reshaped how I understood babies.

Now I am a childbirth educator, doula, and mother of two boys. Sitting down with Elsa again felt like coming back to the roots, this time with lived experience.

This conversation was not about perfect parenting or rigid techniques. It was about presence, trust, and what it truly means to respect babies as whole human beings.

From Ballet to Babies

Elsa’s journey into the Pikler approach began when she retired from professional ballet to start a family. Pregnant and unsure how she wanted to raise her baby, she discovered Resources for Infant Educarers at a time when information lived in books and library catalogues rather than social media.

What she learned transformed her experience of motherhood. Instead of power struggles and fear based discipline, she found cooperation, clear boundaries, and deep trust in her child’s ability to participate in daily care.

That experience became her calling. She wanted to support other mothers.

Learning from Pikler and Gerber

Elsa went on to study with Magda Gerber in her final cohort. One sentence from Magda stayed with her.

“If you can change one thing, you will have made the difference” - Magda Gerber

Rather than trying to fix entire systems, meaningful change begins with small, respectful shifts. This idea shaped Elsa’s later work in institutional settings, especially after visiting the Pikler Institute in Budapest, which was still an orphanage at the time.

What she saw there was remarkable. Children without parents were being raised with dignity, consistency, joy, and deep respect. In 2004, Elsa helped found Pikler USA to ensure this work could continue and grow.

Beyond the Pikler Triangle

Many people know Pikler through the Pikler Triangle climbing structure, but Elsa invites us to think more broadly.

Imagine an equilateral triangle with three interconnected points. Respectful one on one caregiving where daily routines become moments of relationship. Freedom of movement where babies are not pushed toward milestones. And self initiated play where children are trusted to explore without instruction.

The role of the adult is to prepare the environment and then step back.

Hands, Slowness, and Relationship

Elsa shared why her book is titled In Loving Hands. In one of Dr. Pikler’s final lectures, she spoke about the importance of hands. Hands that welcome. Hands that wait. Hands that offer and receive.

Care, in this approach, is never rushed. The way we touch a child communicates respect long before words ever can.

Elsa also described how Pikler helped caregivers slow down through intentional routines. Diapering and feeding were taught as sequences of small, thoughtful steps. This choreography naturally created unhurried care and deepened connection between caregiver and child.

Respect Does Not Mean No Boundaries

One of the most common misunderstandings about respectful caregiving is that it means permissiveness. Elsa was clear that this is not the case.

Not having limits is not respect. It is neglect.

At the Pikler Institute, even toddlers had responsibilities. Being child of the week, helping set tables, or serving others gave children a sense of pride and belonging. Boundaries and contribution were seen as essential to healthy development.

At home, this translates to routines without rigidity and limits without force.

It Is Not a Method but an Attitude

Elsa returned often to something Anna Tardos, Dr. Pikler’s daughter, would say. Take what we offer and translate it into your own culture. Do not copy.

Respectful caregiving is not a formula. It is an attitude. Good enough parenting is truly enough.

Many parents come to this work carrying guilt for what they did not know earlier. Elsa gently reminds them that love matters and that growth is always possible.

Presence in a Distracted World

We ended our conversation talking about screens and modern parenting. Elsa demonstrated what it feels like when someone pretends to listen while distracted by a phone.

Children do not blame adults. They internalize the experience and decide that they are not worthy of attention.

Her reminder was simple and challenging. If you cannot be present, say so and come back fully. When you are with your child, put the phone away.

Elsa’s hope is bold and deeply human. She believes we can change the world in one generation if we raise children with respect, slowness, and genuine presence.

Be present now.
And now.
And now.